How to make your presence felt on Facebook

Facebook: a place where you can connect and share stuff with people in your life. With 800 million people virtually living there, you can always befriend someone whom you know and also with those whom you don’t know much. It has really transformed the way the world worked. Before Facebook, you could’ve hardly let the world know that you’re jobless, but now, all you need to do is to put up a status update saying: “I’m jobless” or join the ‘Jobless’ group. Yet, it’s not about mere existence; you must try to be an impactful personality on the virtual-cum-real world. To make your presence felt on the ‘most powerful social networking site’ just follow the following steps:

1. Put up a ‘cool’ status update like: “Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel it”. Hey, don’t worry if you can’t think of the cool ones: “Help will always be given at Google to those who ask for it”. So, just Google for cool quotes. (I got mine from coolfunnyquotes.com). And remember; don’t let your friends know that you sneaked the quote from elsewhere. Make it look like you actually wrote it—add a smiley at the end of your status update so that no one can sue you for plagiarism. Add more smileys in your updates to let them know that you’re reallllly haaappppppyyyyy or saaaadddd. Add some more smileys—less than 32 smileys would mean it is Below Poverty Line. Umm… add one more smiley. Done.
   Supplementary: Status updates regarding ‘heartbreaks’ would earn you a lot of concern. So, rant something about your relationship. Or even better, tell them how much you hate this life (in spite of having a cozy revolving chair and a computer-with-internet connectivity to update this status) and that you want to quit it ASAP.
   
2. Talking about relationships, always remember to keep changing your ‘relationship status’—don’t worry if you don’t have a partner; like, who would know whether you have a girlfriend/boyfriend or not but I say, everyone would be concerned about your ‘relationship’ (why else would Facebook have nine different relationship statuses?).
   
3. Share a cool Youtube video. It can be anything, ranging from a baby-laughter to a man committing suicide to Vijaykanth defeating the gun bullets (I’m not kidding). Never mind if it has been already viewed a million times; you’re doing a social-service on the social network by showing the world something cool… yet again.
   
4. Post random pics of yourself and your friends; give it a ‘like’ and call/SMS/Facebook-message your friends to ‘like’ it. Initiate a discussion on the awesomeness of the picture in your comments section, so that you let the world know that you had lots of comments for your pic. Feel good about it. And, by the way, do you own a badass DSLR camera? What’re you waiting for? Click pictures of every random object in your room; stones on the way; dead flowers; old people (click them in black and white) or the poor little kid from your neighbourhood and post it on your wall. Everything accounts for picture-perfect photography if you own a DSLR camera. Who knows? You might even get movie-offers through Facebook (okay, if not movie offers; at least some marriage-function offers).

   

   Wildlife Photography

   PS: It really helps if you happen to be a pretty girl—you automatically get 54 likes and 148 comments for posting your picture.
   

5. Ah! There’s no better way to get noticed than being a troll. It’s ridiculously easy too: all you need to do is make highly extraneous, inflammatory comments about random people and not-so-random people you see on FB (Recommendation: Use ‘that four letter word’ very often—it adds up to your coolness). Take advantage of someone’s low-privacy settings and feel free to insult him/her.
   
6.  Never mind if someone calls you jobless but you must always play games like Cityville or Farmville or whatever to prove your talent. And, when I say ‘always’, I literally mean it. Flood your friends’ notifications by sending limitless requests of these games which you play.
   
7. Create cheesy pages which would help you in getting rid of boredom. Pages like I just want an honest relationship. No lies. No mind games. No cheating and even if i spend the whole day with you, i miss you the second you leave would really help you in getting female attention. And, females: liking these pages would garner interests from all directions and would show that you’re ‘profound’ when it comes to feelings.
   
8. Last but not the least: people notice you by what you ‘like’, so, find out what’s cool and like them all. Never mind if you can’t pronounce Paulo Coelho properly but don’t fail to like his page. Same applies to Justin Bieber, Akon, Taylor Swift—you should ‘like’ all these people whether you like them or not.

Or… maybe, you can also try writing an article on ‘How to make your presence felt on Facebook’ but I won’t promise you much popularity for that, though.