Why do you need a LinkedIn profile?
As one of the most influential and well-renowned journalists in the 18th street of Nanganallur in Chennai, yours truly have had the opportunity of meeting people from all walks of life (from world famous stars like Sachin Tendulkar, AR Rahman, Virat Kohli, Tinu Yohannan to random people like flower sellers, roadside vendors and Tamil actor Srikanth). But, the one person who instantly came to mind while I was vigorously meditating on the topic of this article, is: Bero Roberts.
Roberts is a fine gentleman from Chetpet area, who breaks into houses at night, and, without causing any sort of disturbance to the occupants’ sleep (he uses chloroform or some other spray type things), he quietly breaks open their almirahs (colloquially known as ‘bero’), transfers the contents -- cash, jewelry, and occasionally, perfume bottles, linen shirts, and other miscellanea (condom packs, pen drives, half-eaten Lays (?)) -- to his gunny sack and leaves.
Roberts, among bero breakers in Chennai, is a legend. He has an almost-impeccable record in clean breakouts. In fact, till his last break-in, he had a 100 per cent record but it was the last one, which ended up with a battered cupboard door and a broken skull, of Mr. Laxman Chandrasekhar (Canara bank employee from Adambakkam) that made him what he is today (but brought down his record to the now-famous figure of 99.94 per cent). Because of the brutal murder, Roberts has grown in stature and is one of the top-10 rowdies in the city (as per the March rankings) and owns two auto-rickshaws, four cabs and an orthopaedics centre (Chandrasekhar Bone Works).
Dear readers, I can see your confused looks and hear your annoyed complaints. “What nonsense are you talking about instead of just telling us how to make a good LinkedIn profile?”
Readers, patience, patience… Patience is one of the key attributes to make a successful LinkedIn profile.
How many of you know Bero Roberts? Thousand? Hundred? Ten?
At least the five of you who’ve read this blog before?
No one?
See, despite being one of the most skilled rowdies in Chennai, none of you know him. This is why, in this age of social media and pointless 24-hour news channels, it is important to advertise your skills and career achievements.
Without more ado, here’s a comprehensive section-by-section explanation with examples (but without diagrams) of how to make your LinkedIn profile effective.
Profile Picture: Like a nonsense fellow, you shouldn’t put any photo you like as your display image. The other day, I came across a profile of an MBA graduate named Bobby Deora with Salman Khan’s picture. Boss, you want to climb the corporate ladder or walk the high court corridor for running over people with cars? So, images of actors and other celebrities (except Mohanlal and/or Rajinikanth) is a strict no-no. And, guys, don’t put pictures in which you’re wearing shades. You might look like James Bond. But that’s only in your mind. In reality, however, most of you will only look like second villains in Malayalam movies. Or Vijay Mallya.
Bio: Many of them will tell you to keep the bio short and simple. This is one of the most commonly committed flaws while creating a LinkedIn profile. A short bio, many think, is crisp. But, frankly speaking, it means you don’t have much to tell about yourself and it exposes your lack of confidence.
In your bio, you must be: forthright, honest, casual, extensive and assertive. In it, you must reveal the depth of your character, the duality of human nature and vagaries of existence.
For further understanding on what to write on your bio, kindly peruse the following link:
Summary: If a bio must come from your heart, then a summary is a product of your brain. It must encapsulate your persona, work experience, knowledge, skills, interests, and career goals. Unfortunately, there aren’t any suitable Vennu Mallesh songs to explain what to write in a summary. So, I will discuss three examples, which, I hope will give you a good idea.
Example 1: I am a highly experienced candidate with a demonstrated history of working in the the most reputed organisations. I am thoroughly skilled in advanced computer applications like MS Word, MS Powerpoint, MS Excel, MS Paint, etc. With patience being my strongest suit, I am also obedient, disciplined and honest. Hiring me will add high value to your company.
.
.
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Sorry, I fell asleep reading that.
The other day, when I went to my native village in Kerala, Kamalam ammamma was telling me about her difficulties in looking after her cows because of her old age and was contemplating on hiring someone to do the work. If your summary is like the aforementioned example, dear readers, then even Kamalam ammamma won’t hire you to look after her cows.
Don’t try to write your own summary without proper research. Read the summaries of the successful people in the world and get inspired from them.
Example 2: The founder and CEO of online retail Amazon.com. Co-chair of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. When I am not developing Facebook in Menlo Park, California, I love being with my wife (Priscilla Chan) and my dog (Beast).
When I said “get inspired by others”, I didn’t ask you to be like Anu Malik. Facepalm.
Example 3: Dr. MSG Insan had always been the most superior student of the school in education. He always remained the topper and monitor of class. Apart from studies, he remained a peerless sport person of myriad of games like wrestling, Volleyball, Badminton, and Cricket, besides Lawn Tennis. He played 32 national games and spearheaded the team of almost every sport as a captain.
Persona par Excellence
Dr. MSG Insan had a zeal, dedication, and passion for every kind of act. At the tender age of seven-eight, His Holiness was adroit and dexterous in driving the tractor for agricultural purposes in fields and ranches. He would repose only after finishing the work he had started. The same zeal still oozes out from his divine personality even today.
These lines were excerpted from my role model Saint Dr. Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Ji Insaan’s website. If your profile is half as good as his, you can not only find a job but can be the President of this country while residing in Mars.
I believe, you wouldn’t require my help in filling the ‘work experience’, ‘education’, ‘skills’, ‘accomplishments’ and ‘interests’ sections.
I wish you all the best to secure a good job in a well-established organisation with sumptuous canteen food and a highly efficient Human Resource Department.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Okay. Bye.
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